I went out to some bars last night with my roommates, and I noticed something interesting. Bars usually include three kinds of people:

1. (the category I put myself in) Friendsters. These are people who just want to go out with their friends, have a good time, and relax after a week of work, school, or whatever.
2. Partiers. These are the people who go to bars, looking to get wasted and hook up with someone. Sufficed to say, this group probably accounts for 85-90% of the people you see in bars these days (in Boulder, at least).
3. Desperates. These are the people who, sadly enough, you see all over the place: sitting by themselves, drinking, not having the stamina or courage to mingle with anyone, all the while hoping that someone will find their clothes, the way they sip their drink, etc. attractive and come over.

Considering the amount of people you generally see in groups 2 and 3, it's amazing to realize that nearly 99% of people in bars these days are looking for some sort of "comfort," if you will, and think that it'll be easier to find when they (and others) are drunk.

I'm not exactly sure why, but when I began to realize this last night, I felt sad. Have we really reached a point where we value ourselves so little as to look for that "comfort" in situations we know are dangerous (or, at the very least, not really what we're looking for)?

It amazes me sometimes that college is where you're supposed to "find yourself." It seems to me that throwing kids into a whole new way of life to fend for themselves should destroy lives by the dozens...but it doesn't. Somehow, we each go through trials and struggles to build the people we're supposed to be, and at the end of it all, we're 150% different from the person we came into college as.

I look at Desperates, and I can't help but feel sad. That could have been me. That could still be who I am, some day. Is the need for acceptance so great that we drive ourselves to bars, sit around and hope that someone comes up to talk to us? Where did our sense of self-worth go? I cannot fathom how it could be so readily lost.

~#~

This summer is flying by. For all the stress work can bring sometimes, the busyness is keeping the pace active...only, this particular summer, that's not such a good thing. I'm constantly hit with the realization that this summer will eventually usher in my senior year at CU, and I'm not ready for it. I'm not ready to leave behind a life I've only just become accustomed to - I don't know what I expected when I came to college, but I certainly didn't expect the time to so rapidly pass by (although, I suppose that should have been a given).

In conjunction with this realization, I've been having a constant thought lately: has my life the past 3 years led to something? Did I accomplish something during that time, or was it all spent to easily before being forgotten? I can barely remember even last year - it's like the intensity of each new endeavor in my life overwrites the memories of the previous one. That's a scary thing - it makes me consider the possibility that it's all been a wasted effort.

My intuition tells me that someday, I'll look back on my college days and say, "Wow - I can't believe how much I grew during that time." I get glimpses of that, even now. I guess it's a treatise on my hatred of how life's lessons only appear long after their carriers have gone.

~#~

I won't quite yet say why, but my excitement for life's possibilities has been growing each day. I'm excited to see each day, and whatever it brings - it's been a long time since I've felt that way. Hopefully it works out. :)