Chasing some sort of ethereal dream

I came to the conclusion a long time ago that I needed to more accurately capture my thoughts at the young age of 21. I've tried, several times, but each time, I get bored with the concept and simply stop. Hopefully, this time around will stick.

(and it might help to make this thing look a little different than the default layout Blogger gave me - yikes)

Today, the CEO of Applied Trust - the company in Boulder I have a summer internship with - asked me if I'd be interested in working some hours this fall. I told him that school was probably going to be evil to me this semester, and that I'd have to think about it. He responded, "School should definitely be your first priority - but we'll be extremely flexible. It'd be fun to have you around."

This made me do somewhat of a mental double-take. This internship has been incredibly different than those in the past - before, none of my employers knew how to "correctly handle" an intern. I would sit around, doing almost nothing, and in the end, the only reason I was liked was because I jumped on (read: devoured) anything handed to me. ATE is different; they've kept my pipeline of work full from Day 1, and though it's been overwhelming at times, it's given me an opportunity to grow intellectually.

*snore*

Here's what I'm getting at: I'm actually considering working 10-15 hours a week during the school year. I really like it - I like every single person (personality is more of a plus than any technical skill set here) and they treat me with respect and kindness. And truth be told, I enjoy the work (when I understand it). It's intriguing and every day is different - there's rarely a moment life can go stale here.

However, this consideration led me to another thought: life is changing, rapidly. Talk to me even a semester ago, and I would have said that there's no chance in hell I'd stay in Boulder. But now, is that for certain? As the curtain on my time at CU swings a little nearer to close, can I really say that Boulder is not an option? All those dreams I had of going to different places, living elsewhere - were those incorrect lines of thought?

On the flip side, what if ATE/Boulder is not where I'm meant to be? What if I'm not meant to stay in a cubicle for the next 5-10 years of my life? What if the excitement of this job should fade after six months?

My roommate Bret said it best last night - life gets you into situations, and just as soon as you're comfortable, it's time to move on. I know in my heart that that quality makes life an adventure - but standing on the actual precipice clouds my vision a bit. These decisions are huge, life-changing ones, and they fall onto each and every one of us. Every day has the ability to affect lives - at least our own - forever. I'm not sure if I like having that responsibility, because even at this age, I'm still not quite sure if I'm supposed to be making mistakes. There's some primitive part of me that still believes that I need to be cold, calculating, and perfect with every decision I make...

...But that's not much of a life, is it?